Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Feminization -Two Sub Males' Points of View

A follower of mine on Tumblr asked me the following question:

I am quite curious about your use of the terms "hubwife" and referring to "her" It's all aesthetic, but to me women are the top rung on the ladder and I appreciate when it is pointed out or emphasized.... so when a male is "feminized" through physical appearance or by use of terminology it seems like more a mockery of the greater sex than it is a humbling of the male. I was curious as to how you think of it?
It's a very fair question.  After all, if women who think themselves (or their sex) superior, why would feminize.  Of course, I had my own concise answer to the question, but I thought it would be interesting to hear what a submissive male thought about it.

I gave a submissive male I know (not hubwife) an assignment to answer the question in 500 words.  Here's what Danielle had to say:

When a submissive male is feminized he/she is being told or shown that they are no longer viewed as male. For many men this is humiliating, humiliation which has nuances to it that add layers broader than simply indicating that he/she is being stripped of their masculinity and is being viewed as the "weaker" sex. The connotation of the humiliation and subsequent D/s dynamic at play arising solely from the connotation of a female identity being seen as "weaker" is perplexing and challenging for many women and submissive men who view women as the superior gender. To me feminizing a male through either appearance or terminology is less a comment on female identity than it is a statement against male identity. 
Being feminized is humiliating to me in ways which speak to my perceived and sub/conscious insecurities about my shortcomings as a man. I am being shown that I have not succeeded as a man, that I have failed in attaining the male identity which society subscribes to and which I have been struggling to obtain for my entire life. I am not being told that I have reached the heightened identity or rarefied air of a sacred feminine identify, but rather a female identity that represents the societal dichotomy to the male identity - an idealized male identity which I have been struggling to keep up the appearance of obtaining and especially struggling to embrace, accept and identify with personally in my own life and private thoughts.
But this feminizing is also tender, intimate and comforting. For me. It's a woman seeing through my facade, accepting my false male identity by embracing it and having the loving authority to free me of the burden of my struggle of trying to live up to it. She is letting me know that she doesn't recognize me as a man in the traditional, societal sense and that she accepts me anyway. That she sees value and purpose for me in an identity which I am more well-suited for. A woman is demonstrating her superiority/dominance to me through her intelligence, understanding and control. And there is humiliation in this for me, not malicious harmful humiliation, but vulnerable, intimate humiliation - my walls being broken down and removed at someone else's direction.
A man may also be feminized by another man. And again, the gender reversal at play is (for me) more about the dichotomy of the identity of the submissive male being reversed, as opposed to a female identity being viewed as inferior. To me, the female identity being inherently superior actually makes a submissive male having his gender identity reversed even more humiliating as it signifies that she/he came up short of meeting even the requirements of the lesser (male) gender. Again, this feminizing of a presumed submissive male is, to me, more intimate and comforting and any aspect of humiliation associated with it is based around what is lacking from the male identity, not implying that a female gender identity is inferior.
Dom/mes, switches and subs of any gender are welcome to comment.

Ms. L


  1. My weakness as a male with some submissive tendencies revolves around what "trips my trigger" or arouses me. The aesthetics of feminization are to me quite gross and very ugly. I am as aroused at the idea of being forced to wear a dress or feminine makeup as I am at the thought of being forced to eat feces. It is disturbing and ugly to me. This is not the case, and should not be for those who are turned on by feminization. It is merely a preference and/or at least the way a given personality reacts to a given act or fetish.

    There are things I would like, or even LOVE to have required of me. Then there are those things that I know I don't really want, but I get extremely aroused when thinking of being forced to do them. Lastly, there are those things that just turn me off and my entire psyche changes from that of a semi-submissive, needy male to a rebellious, disturbed man who just lost every feeling of a need to submit to anything.

    Just my two cents. I am very curious to hear others takes on this.

  2. I can certainly see both sides of this issue. It all becomes very philosophical and we can get into some very esoteric discussions. Like many, I get aroused by being made to wear feminine things especially in front of others. However, if I absolutely hated it I think I would still do it if I was in a committed D/s relationship. My two cents.

  3. I'm the first anonymous. paula's comments make sense to me, but the only key difference I'd like to add regard the last part of the comment, is... I am looking to AVOID being the 's' in a D/s relationship... therefore I am not looking to perform an act such as dressing in feminine clothing.

  4. Dear Ms. Linda,
    You wrote 'After all, if women who think themselves (or their sex) superior, why would feminize?'
    i think it's because our 'society' devalues Women and regards femininity as second-class and inferior to 'masculinity'. For a 'male' to wear the clothing and assume the role of a female is, in a 'male's eyes, to give up power and dominance, to willingly become an 'inferior'.
    This is a culturally-induced falsehood but, to someone indoctrinated in this way of thinking, a very, very powerful one.

  5. I think more and more women are moving away from being really feminine. They dress more practical and comfortable. The real feminine girly girl look is falling more onto the sissies of the world. I am so happy to be a sissy.