Monday, June 25, 2018

My Thoughts (Some of them) on Chastity

I saw this on the Tumblr site Exploring Chastity and found it to be interesting and a good resource for submissive men who are either considering or actually entering into a chastity lifestyle.  Even if you're already in a locked state, you may want to read it anyway.  The writer "caged happy hubby"
From Exploring Chastity
brings up some very good points.

On the other hand, it's written strictly from the wearer's perspective, likely lacking input and different viewpoints from a Dominant Woman's/Keyholder's perspective.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.  Submissive males who are in chastity should share ideas, thoughts and feelings with each other.

Here's some of my thoughts on the post.  Caged happy hubby's tips are numbered while mine are in red.  

Things you should know about wearing a chastity device.

1. At first, you’re going to be uncomfortable. It’s going to bind, pinch, pull and generally be annoying. This will pass. But it takes time.

  • I've purchased eight different chastity devices for hubwife.  We currently use three of them, one more than the other two combined.  I'll use the word "we" here because even though I make all the decisions, there is a collaborative effort and commitment that goes into this lifestyle.  I know it's expensive, but you get what you pay for.  Devices that can be worn long term cost more but are worth the price.  Unfortunately, you may have to experiment.  However, don't give up on a device too easily.  The writer is correct.  It's going to be difficult (and at first.  
2. You’re going to go though five or more devices starting out. Be OK with that. Luckily, chastity is becoming more widespread. The variety and cost of a device is outstanding right now.

  • I covered much of this in number one.  I agree that there's plenty of variety and when you find the right device, you'll realize it was worth the price.  
3. Eventually, you’ll want a device custom made to fit you. Start saving and do your research. Measure again and again. Email the people making your device as much as you need. I got my first one VERY wrong. Measure ten times, order once.

  • Lean toward a smaller size if you have doubt after all the measuring.  If you're fortunate enough to live close to a manufacturer of custom made devices, don't be afraid to ask for an appointment.  One of the devices hubwife wears once and awhile was made after a personal visit.  Yes it might have been a bit humiliating for hubwife but it was non-sexual and a simple business transaction between me and the owner of the place. 
5. Your balls should have room to move around while you are caged. The should be at their normal temperature, normal color and should not hurt while you wear your device.

  • If you're in serious pain, ask out.  A hot shower (supervised by the keyholder if at all possible) or a warm bath will also help alleviate discomfort.  If you're into serious chastity (she controls the key at all times) have an emergency plan for when she's not around.  Something like a sealed envelop that holds the key works for us.  I put an emergency key in the envelope, seal it and sign over the seal.  You can even make it more formal with a hot wax seal.
6. Your spouse, partner, wife, or girlfriend (unless she is already into the BDSM scene) is not going to automatically be your Keyholder. Go slow. Don’t force the issue. They may never be into it. Understand that.

  • I'd say that 99% of the time men/husbands bring up the subject of chastity.  It's their idea, their fantasy, what they want, etc.  Consequently, they tend to make it all about them.  Do your best to think about how to make it about your wife, girlfriend or potential keyholder.  What are the benefits for her?  Why should she want you locked?  Patience is important.  If you're a true submissive.  You'll accept her decision.  It took me several years to agree to try it.
7. Roomie pants are a must. Khakis, slacks work best.

  • If you have one, defer to your keyholder on this one.  Sometimes I like to see hubwife in something tight so that her device is somewhat noticeable.  If your dress is left up to you, then be comfortable and discreet.
8. Don’t be a creeper. Not everyone wants to see your caged junk.

  • Have to agree with this 100%.  If I want to see a picture of your locked penis, I'll ask.
9. There are lots of online articles about this fetish. Read!

  • There are, but use caution to separate the real from the fantasy.  
10. Give your body a break once and awhile. Your penis needs to get fully erect. A healthy penis comes from getting to do what it naturally does.

  • If being able to maintain the ability to get fully erect is important to you, than I'd have to agree with this.  However, if your ability to get erect is of no interest to your keyholder, then fewer breaks are needed, and they don't have to be very long at all - maybe just the time to shower.  Long term chastity will usually cause penile atrophy.  Do you really need an erection to be happy?  Does your keyholder have that need?  The keyholder's needs and objectives should rule the day. 

So there you have it.  Nothing revolutionary, over-the-top and outrageous in my opinion.  Just some common sense.  

Thanks to caged happy hubby for coming up with the original post on Tumblr.  Stop by his page and check it out.

I encourage you to leave a comment and/or share your own thoughts.

Ms. L 


  1. Thanks for sharing and for your comments. I always have access to the key, though it's on a numbered tag hanging from the rack in the freezer. Not easy to get to, but I can, and it's easy to see I've cut the tag. Oh, and you'll get used to hearing the brass lock banging against the sounds like a cannon at first, of course, and you're sure everyone can hear it, especially in the men's room because, rather obviously, you're in a stall sitting. Great article from both of you!


  2. Dear MS. L, curtsy.

    Both, Your blog and tumblr page are wonderful and smart. And I would not be honest if I didn't include sexy, too. Thank you.

    I am sorry but, for now, I am not allowed pictures. I will gently discuss this again with Mistress. After a few trials I am presently in a small, pink, Holy Trainer. Not the new nanno because of the underside exposure. W/we are seriously looking into a new design along the lines of the Centurian Sterling Sliver Frenum Chastity. Neither of my Mistresses have any desire to see any bulge, even a small one, beneath my panties. And as you must surely know without a piercing all chastity cages can be gotten in and out of.

    Thank You for all the effort and time You apply to your blog. They are an exciting pleasure to read.

    With respect and a curtsy, fifi